{ one year later }
August 03, 2012
I'm working tonight on getting things in order for our first Friday weekend at the store. The shop has been a blessing in so many ways.
But the hard fact is that I wouldn't be doing it at all if, one year ago, things in my life hadn't come to a complete, heartbreaking stop.
These days are hard.
The trauma of what we endured keeps replaying in my head. Conversations with doctors. Driving in the car. Sounds. Silence... Every single minute of those horrific days is still crystal clear.
Occasionally someone will ask me about my shop name.
The thing is, (and Jane Austen fans will know this already) Pemberley is the name of the Darcy family estate in my favorite novel, Pride & Prejudice. And so my work at Pemberlie is dedicated to my little Darcy, the one I held for three hours, one year ago tomorrow. The perfect little sister with a knot in her cord.
Tonight and this weekend I am working as hard as I can. I need to be the best version of me. For her.
I welcome a full day of work tomorrow and this weekend with the same arms I held my sweet angel August 3, 2011.
Good night, Darcy. You are loved.
*sigh* my heart breaks when i think of what you have been through this last year. hugs and love to you on this especially hard day.
Posted by: jen v | August 03, 2012 at 12:41 AM
(((((hugs)))))) I wish I could do more than that, but I hope you know how much you and your sweet family are loved.
Posted by: lori / laeroport | August 03, 2012 at 12:58 AM
holding you close in my thoughts. xo
Posted by: erin | August 03, 2012 at 06:42 AM
(((hugs)))) Chris. Your Darcy will be forever remembered.
Posted by: Heather | August 03, 2012 at 07:16 AM
I'll be thinking of you this weekend.
Posted by: caroline | August 03, 2012 at 08:09 AM
Chris, I think of you and your Darcy so often. My heart hurts for you. Sending you so much love. xx
Posted by: Jessie | August 03, 2012 at 08:42 AM
I am a long time reader. We also lost our daughter in 2011. I was pregnant with her but expecting to lose her due to a fatal diagnosis once she was born when I read about your sweet Darcy. I have looked forward to your updates since then, to follow along with your journey, so similar yet different from mine. Much love to you.
Posted by: Still Playing School | August 03, 2012 at 08:57 AM
Chris, you and your family are often on my mind. I pray you find peace and comfort on this day. {{hugs}}
Posted by: lera | August 03, 2012 at 09:27 AM
Hugs to you. I cannot even imagine the heart brake of losing a baby. May you find peace.
Posted by: Laura | August 03, 2012 at 10:25 AM
i love you.
Posted by: jade | August 03, 2012 at 10:39 AM
you can do it, mama! xx
Posted by: katie | August 03, 2012 at 10:39 AM
I've been thinking of you since I got up this morning, Chris. Hugs to you. Busy hands, and then rest.
Posted by: amy h | August 03, 2012 at 10:57 AM
i love you.
i've been thinking of you all day.
Posted by: beki | August 03, 2012 at 02:24 PM
tears. My heart is breaking for you... as a momma I can't imagine.
HUGS!!!!!!
Posted by: mrs d | August 03, 2012 at 04:10 PM
(((hugs)))
Thinking of you!
Posted by: kriste | August 03, 2012 at 05:54 PM
My thoughts and prayers are with you, as they were when I first read your story last year. I think you are very brave and strong. Hugs.
FYI, the link to your store doesn't seem to work, as (I remember) it didn't work in your last post. Would love to visit Pemberlie as soon as I'm able.
Posted by: b. | August 05, 2012 at 04:26 AM
I continue to think of you and your family often. Our due dates were very close and although I lost my little baby girl much earlier than you, my heart broke in a way I never knew was possible. I am happy to see what you have done with your new shop but still so so sorry that things turned out this way for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you still during this particularly difficult time and the times ahead.
Posted by: Tracy | August 11, 2012 at 02:20 AM
Thinking of you this month.
I, too, have experienced great creativity and fulfillment in the wake of heartbreak. It's interesting how one feeds the other. Of course, we wish never to have experienced a sad loss, but at the same time, we are thankful for what has been built as a part of the healing process. Life is strange, eh?
((hugs))
Posted by: Lisa Clarke | August 27, 2012 at 11:27 AM