{ breathing }

We've had the most unusual winter weather this January in Kansas City.  Today was a glorious mid-60s sunshiny treat and I took the littlest out to the park for a bit.  I thought she could use the fresh air and exercise and, selfishly, that some extra running about would mean a long cozy nap for both of us.

I haven't been back to the memorial garden in months, but it was a good stop today.  January has been a difficult month for me, it being exactly a year now since we learned we were pregnant.  

This month brings up the reminders of all my initial feelings and astsonishment and surprise... how one year from now we would have gone through the craze of yet another holiday season and have a little baby in the nursery again.  I had so many worries that I still feel terrible about, things I know I should chalk up to hormones and stress and for which I should forgive myself, but I will carry with me anyway. All I have are memories.  They haunt me all the time.

2011 was one Hell of a roller coaster for me.  I feel like I just got off and still want to throw up.

And in the spirit of honesty and in a sort of sisterhood -- as so many of my friends are bravely putting themselves Out There -- I will not sugar coat it.

Today, I thought it would be good for her to get outside.  But it was I who needed the fresh air.

{ holiday tour } The Kitchen

Part four of the slowest holiday tour ever!

I took photos weeks ago, started this post and never got around to words... so this one will be photo heavy and light on explanation.  At this point, who cares?  I will say that this year was the first with my new kitchen, so I did have fun with it.  In the past I really didn't want to draw attention to my shiny dark den-like space.

 The deer and ornaments were above my pantry on the right.

 I made some boxwood wreaths from the overgrown shrubbery in my yard and hung them over the stove, which now has the new section of cabinets above.  I cannot believe how different this space looks now.  (before)

The kitchen got the tall skinny tree that I've had for 12 years... it's so short that I prop it up on canned goods every year under that skirt.  This angle shows the (1985, free to me) black pedestal table that I painted black. The aluminum chairs and garage-sale-still-needing-slipcovers parsons chairs all fit nicely around it, and we could easily add another 4 narrow chairs around the sides if we needed to.  This works so much better for our large-ish family, friends and littles that are always in and out.

 

This shows off the new cabinetry in its entirety.  If I were to do it again, I'd have added lighting in the top cabinets, but I still love the extra storage.  (before)

From this angle, you can see the now-black secretary and hutch, which looks so much better as a stand alone piece.   I kept my original cabinet stuff up there and added a few ornaments and boxwood sprigs for Christmas.

 (before)

One of my favorite things was the glass jar with lights. 

If I had time to do only a few things, this would make the list.

I hope your holiday season was full of sparkly moments. 

(if you're curious about the kitchen reno, it starts here.)