Wow

I don't have words for this.  All of your sweet notes and sympathy and encouragement... are just too much.  I haven't had time to respond to any of them, but know that each and every one has been read, and reread.... thank you.  xo

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For those of you who asked, Fidget's 'asthma' is kind of weird.  Big Sis had textbook asthma, and it was managed pretty well with her nebulizer, and later with singulair...but Fidget's?  Well, it's special.  It's not allergy related, nor is it chronic.  But if she has the slightest bit of a drippy nose, we go into full emergency mode around here, doing 4-a-day albuterol treatments until the coughing gets so bad that we have to add the oral steroid to the mix.  We learned to add the steroid early after she got pneumonia twice last fall.    Her little body just can't handle a cold. 

We usually have 5-7 days between colds, because she is two... and they get runny noses. That nighttime scene, unfortunately, has played out here so many times here, I cannot even count. Her doctors say that is just how she is.  Little consolation for mommy and daddy.  Oh, and during the day?  She runs around like your average two year old.  You'd never know what's going on at night, unless you happen to see the bags under mommy's eyes.

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Thank goodness for sunshine.   We opened our windows yesterday and it was wonderful.  Spring is almost here, my friends!

*sniff*

I'm going to trip over myself trying to come up with the perfectly heartfelt thank you.  This internet thing is a strange and wonderful place.  Your sweet comments and emails yesterday brought me to tears.

Yesterday my father in law was desperate to communicate, tracing letters on my mother-in-law's palm. They are best friends, and the best of people, and I cannot imagine how powerless she must have felt, sitting there, deciphering his words as he tried to reach out to her.  Last night they took him off the respirator and he was stable and breathing on his own in ICU.  I'm sure this was a great relief to her.   

Thank you, for all of your thoughts and wishes and prayers.  I am so humbled by your generosity and compassion.  It means so much.  These words seem so little in comparison.

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I highly recommend having a budding baking goddess in your house.  My eleven year old made cupcakes on Saturday night.  Just for the heck of it.

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And, Fidget's asthma rocked her world again last night.

She awoke at midnight, just after I had calmed down enough to try and sleep.  The oral steroid causes her to have dreadful nightmares, so in addition to the coughing, she wakes screaming and thrashing about. I had given her a breathing treatment at 7, so I knew I could give her one now and that would help a little.  She presses the mask against her face, knowing it makes breathing easier, squeezing her eyes shut.  'rock, mommy..,' she pleads.

We've tried the tricks in the past and they do not work.  The steamy bathroom.  Sitting in the cool night air.  Vaporizer.  Humidifier.  Her coughing gets increasingly agitated.  We've ended up in the ER too many times already.   She always ends up on the steroid.  Always.  Her doctor just makes sure we have it in the house now, so we can give it to her at the onset, instead of in the ER.

She clings to me, coughing, sweating, her little eyes closed, concentrating on trying to sleep... begging me to 'rock, mommy, rock' in the chair in her room, sucking on the little corner of her blankie and holding the tiny beanie baby bear she got after one of her ER visits in December.  She quiets and I think the nebbie has worked, and then the coughing erupts again.  Sometimes she gags.  She needs to get all that crap out that is building up in her bronchial tubes. 

'Just spit it out, Fidge," I whisper.

'No, mommy, nooo!'  She cries.  And coughs again.   I need her to throw up.  But she won't.  I grab a baby blanket and put it over me just in case she does.  She digs her head into my chest and wraps her little arms around my shoulders.  She is so tired.  We did this last night, too... 

We move from bed to bed...upstairs...downstairs...upstairs again... the other room... Finally, she wants to rock in her room again.  So we do. When her body cooperates and she finally falls asleep in my arms, I weep.   Her sweet little face is framed by blond locks that seem determined to stay short in a pixie cut, her long lashes rest on her soft pink cheeks.  Her little body is limp, exhausted from fighting itself, and curled up in my arms.  I sit there, still rocking, hoping and praying to God for the strength to rise out of the rocker without waking her, and make the transfer to her crib, where she sleeps best.

And it happened.  Somewhere in the early morning, after 4 am... and I crawled back into my own empty bed, my cell phone in hand, should Daddy call with news from the hospital; my ear toward the monitor, should Fidget wake and need comfort; my head, on the pillow; and my heart heavy.

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I'm going to take a break for a few days.  We have a lot of things to do and I need to rest...

I hope that you and yours are safe and well and loved.  xo

[on any other monday I'd insert a clever title here]

My father in law had an aortic aneurysm yesterday evening.  And emergency heart surgery last night.  Mr Pink got the call from his mom around 5, grabbed a bag and ran out the door to be there.   The doctors say there was something the size of a grapefruit covering his heart.  After 5 hours of delicate operation, he's stable, responsive and recovering in ICU.  I am so incredibly thankful, there are no words.  He is one of the kindest and most generous people you could ever meet.  Just Saturday he was putting a toybox together for Fidget and whipping Big Sis in a game of monopoly... and now we are thankful he has movement in his fingers and toes.

Fidget seemed to sense something was up last night, too.  She thrashed about with asthmatic fits and required 2 neb treatments and a heavy dose of steroid to calm her down between midnight and 6am this morning. 

I tried to upload some cheery photos of cupcakes Big Sis baked over the weekend, but Flickr does not feel like it.   I'll settle on this photo of last summer's white carpet roses from my garden.  It gives me hope.

So it's Monday here.  I'm thankful, though.  And so very, very tired. 

Remember to hug your loved ones extra tight, every day.  xo

Green week, day 5

I am not very good at keeping houseplants alive. I go weeks and forget to water this one.  And then it gets a shower in my sink.  And makes lacy shadows on the porcelain.  And it comes to life.  Lookee there.  Hello, plant!

Today may have been one of the best Fridays in Fidget's little life so far.  Because on our way to school, we were the first car stopped at the railroad crossing.  It was the long one, too.  The cargo train.  The Amtrak that goes by every morning is only 4 cars.  But the cargo train takes at least 5 minutes to pass.  So we got to sit there and bask in its gritty rumbling glory.  In the front row.

And we still had time to spare.

I've got a lovely little post brewing about old downtown nostalgia.  Stay tuned.

This weekend I might get off my duff and clip a branch or two off my cherry tree and attempt to force blooms, like Amy did with her forsythia.  Last year we got hit with an awful frost mid-april, and we missed all the blooms.  (It took trees another 6 weeks to rebloom.  Remember that, my local friends???)

And I'm also going on a date with my my husband tonight!  Dinner at Kona, and Michael Buble at the new Sprint Center. Don't get me started defending my mad love for MB.  I also love the Killers, Lily Allen, classic No Doubt, John Mayer, old school Dave Matthews Band and Barry Manilow.  I am an equal opportunity music lover.  And Buble puts on one heck of a show.  Just trust me on this one.

xo 

Green week, day 4

One of the nice things about living where I do is the sweet little downtown area.  Fidget goes to a preschool in this part of town and every morning we get to cross the railroad tracks (Train!  Where are youuuu?) and putz through the main strip at 25 miles per hour, slow enough to peek into all the storefronts. And guess what?  They got the memo this week.  It's green on parade, I tell you!

I do need to revisit this old downtown topic though.  I am a sucker for its charm. 

Off to get some work done, including (I hope) the finishing touches on some curtainry for the playroom.  I am obsessed to a point of sickness with that room. I hear the cure for that is a kitchen-reno, but that's out of my price range right now.

Green week: Day 3 & a new friend.

The handle of my new roomy poolside bag that I bought for an upcoming trip to Arizona.

And these (of watching sister take the bus to school) for Alicia.

Look Fifi, there it is!

Two for Tuesday!

Fidget turned two last weekend.  My baby.  I'm so happy to know her.

For what it's worth, all you need for a successful birthday party is a bunch of shredded packing paper. I have tons of photos like this:

She loved her doll.  And her dress.  And her cake.  And her new kitchen set.  And I'm so glad we can move on to other things now.

So, since everyone seems to be jumping on the green week bandwagon, I'll toss my late day-one entry into the mix. (Why not??? I'm as ready for spring as the next person.)

I did take the photo yesterday, if that counts for anything.  I would have taken a picture of my green suede shoes, but Rachel did the shoe thing already and hers are way cuter than mine. So you get my shower scrubby. I'm generous, I tell you.

Since it's already day two of this little shoot-a-long, here's my green for today:

Miniswap Fun!

On Saturday we were an hour into Fidget's birthday party when the doorbell rang.

Our miniswap parcel had arrived from Ali and her boys in England!

I cannot tell you how fun it was to explain to our merry little group what this was all about -- and then add that pretty package (can you see that cool flowered packing tape?) to our pile of presents and save it for last.  What fun!

Ali and her boys were so generous.   

First of all, her 7 year old son, Mark, wrote the sweetest (and most entertaining) letter to our girls telling them all about his school and friends and goldfish.  Very, very cute. 

Ali enclosed a note to me saying how they decided to send all the makings for a perfect tea... and wow, did they ever.

Ali even made my eldest an apron - which she modeled with delight.  Poor thing borrows mine all the time and was thrilled to have one of her own.  ??  Why has this escaped me for so long? 

And if I can get Fidget to stand still long enough, I'm going to try on the sweet little smocket Ali made, and was thoughtful enough to send a couple vintage buttons in case it was too small to tie!

There was so much in the box...

• A cupcake cookbook, which has already been studied by big sister
• A 'Duck' book (a character we adore... and we didn't have this one in our collection)
• A Magic Paint book (just use water!)  And paint brushes.  Love these.
• Cupcake decorations





• Hippo Biscuits for tea time (Mark and Johnny's fave)
• Hama bead coasters for our tea cups





• petit fours paper cups





• And more?  Yes, it seemed to go on forever.  They even included a little striped bag with lipglosses and girly stuff for big sister, but I think those have been stashed in a backpack already.  I can't find them!

Thank you Ali, Mark and Johnny!  It was all wonderful.  We hope you receive your package soon and enjoy it just as much.  xoxoxo

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