pink picket fence

waiting for baby

Hello there.  We're ok around here, I promise.  Thank you for the sweet emails of concern, checking in on me.   I know it's been quiet a la Fence; I miss being able to blog with the energy and gusto that I had even just a few weeks ago. 

As much as I hate to admit it, the physical limitations of being 9 months along are taking their toll on this mama.  I'm still working, although I'll be leaving my job of 12 years for full-time-stay-at-home-mom status after baby.  (Hooray!  This is something wonderful and deserves a whole post unto itself, so I'll save that for later.)  In making this decision, though, I have over a decade of information and instructions to leave for whomever they decide will replace me.  I'm being a good girl, and trying to make this transition easy for them.  It's been a lot of work, and it hasn't left me much time or energy for the fun stuff. 

It will all be worth it in the end.  I know it will.

It's funny not knowing the baby's gender.  In the past, I've had the nursery all ready to go.  I thought this time I would be ok keeping the tan walls and using white linens and going with plain white curtains. But I think the tan walls (which cannot be easily repainted because of a particularly ginormous dresser that cannot be moved without enlisting a lot of help) and the dark nursery furniture have made this tricky. 

If baby number three is, in fact, another girl, I'm going to want to infuse this room with some femininity.   (whoop!  hello there, little one.  *kick kick kick* are you telling me you are not a girl?  hmmm.  We'll see.)  And a boy, aside from giving my husband the best surprise ever, would be deserving of a special boy-ness all of his own.  Especially since this room is sandwiched between the girls'.

So for now, the windows are bare.  The walls are bare.  The linens are white (and will probably stay that way).  The clothes are pretty white, too.   The dresser is packed with tiny clothes for either gender; I'm lucky to have tons of hand me downs and little need for more.   It's just barely a nursery for now, but that's ok.  Baby will be in our room for a few months anyhow.

And we'll know soon enough what to do with this room... in less than two weeks.

lovely time.

Hello.  I hope you had a wonderful holiday weekend. We did.

It was full of

• visiting with friends
• catching up on some reading
• a picnic at the park
• watercolors
• a little nesting
• some all-day pj time
• freshly grilled burgers and strawberry spinach salad
• naps
• pink shoulders from the pool
• more reading, napping
• snuggles and giggles (and only a tantrum or two)
• JiggleJam with daddy

It was good.  Really good.  Summer is here.  I can feel it.

keeping it simple

So it's mid-May, and that means we're pretty much in the clear in Kansas City to plant outside and not worry too much about too-cold nights.

Last weekend I ran to the local nursery and picked up some beautiful geraniums for my back deck.  Our deck gets zero shade and it's elevated and I swear it gets to 115 degrees out there in the summer.  Clearly, we're fairly limited as to what we can put out there.  Usually I try to mix it up, but this year I am going all-red-geraniums in every pot and calling it done.  I'm fairly certain we can remember to water these easy-to-please plants nightly before bringing in the dog.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have to be honest; I'm pretty tired and achy these days.  We've got about 4 weeks left until baby is here and I'm feeling every bit that far along.  My normal 200 mph daily speed has slipped considerably.  I'm still keeping up with housework and laundry and cooking and the kids, but at the end of the day there isn't much left. 

And this slower pace is oh-so-frustrating.  I'm in a funky mood because of it.  I'm frustrated with my inability to tackle everything and get stuff done.  And then I'm mad because the funk is obvious, and you know what happens when momma isn't feeling as happy as she should.  Everyone picks up on it and then it's just a household pandemic.  Crankiness abounds. 

Maybe this is a long way of saying I need to step back and readjust my expectations from here on in.  Maybe I shouldn't let my list stare at me the way it seems to.  Maybe I should exhale, put my feet up and read a little more.   Maybe I should accept that, yes, for a long while after this sweet baby is born, I won't be able to tackle all the projects that are swimming in my head.  But, no, that doesn't mean I have to get them all done now.

Yes, maybe that is it.  Maybe what I need is to simplify my lists, my expectations, and my attitude, just like the pots on my deck. 

So random, I can't come up with a title.

 

I can't seem to put these away.  The candy canes are the only thing left from Christmas around here; major cleaning is still in process. 

Today the sofa slipcover is in the wash, which is a necessity when you can see shoeprints on its kick pleats and bookclub is here next Monday.  I have to say, having an off-white slipcover shows me exactly how dirty things can get.  It makes me look at my other furniture and think, hmmmm...  It doesn't help that we have a golden retriever who likes to snooze with her back to the couch in the same spot every day.  A lot of that dirt is from her.  But I'm pretty sure the pen marks and smudges on the cushions are not.  Anyway, I don't mind washing it.  I really like knowing it's clean. 

Speaking of bookclub, has anyone else read "The Double Bind" by Chris Bohjalian?  I really enjoyed it, but it is the kind of book that you can easily ruin for someone just by talking about it.  Just imagine The Great Gatsby + photography + mental illness.  I'm sure that cleared it up for you.  Ha.  The end did catch me by surprise, so I can't wait to discuss this with my fellow bookclubbers.  Now I just have to figure out what to serve for dinner and we'll be ready.

One more note.  I promise I am not going to turn this into a pregnancy blog.  But I did go to the doctor today and we have a strong heartbeat, which is such a relief.  Also, since I am considered 'high risk' due to my 'advanced age' (ahem), I automatically qualify for a Level II ultrasound for my next appointment in February.  There will be lots of detailed measuring to confirm healthy growth and normal development.  I'm hoping not to be so paranoid after that session.  

Oh, another thing.   We really don't want to find out the gender, so hopefully they can keep that under wraps, too. Fingers crossed.  I found out with the other two, and since this is my last chance at experiencing this miracle, I want to look at my husband and have him tell me in his own words whether we'll need the blue or pink going home outfit.  I can't even imagine how awesome that would be :)

Have a happy weekend!

oh, how my mind wanders.

Looks like I've taken a bit of a blog break.  Unintentional, but I haven't had much to post about. Lots of things floating about in my mind, though.  For instance: 

The upcoming holidays.

Little giftish projects.  Things I can't post here, unfortunately.  Peekers.

New recipes -- I'm cooking a lot more lately.  Not a bad thing.  Not so great for the waistline, though.  Most of my recipes have involved heavy cream lately.  Yu-Um.

My November block for Twelve Square.  I'm not sure what direction to take it.

Friends.  I am so lucky to have good ones.

Turnips. 

Paying 1.69 for gas.  I know it will be short lived, but I'm enjoying it nonetheless.

Socks.  I need some more.   Last year's all seem to have holes in them.  Did I never cut my toenails?  What's up with that?  I am loving funky patterned knee highs.

Knock off Uggs.  I want some.  Every year I treat myself to new slippers because I work at home, and every year I trash them completely.   Slippers, evidently, are not meant to be worn 12 hours a day.  I think KOU's would fit the comfy-but-durable bill just fine.

My hair.  I loved it short this summer, but now that the wintry cold is kissing the back of my neck (even indoors!) I wonder if it is time to grow it out a bit.  Better make up my mind before my appt on Saturday.

The Twilight movie.  What's the deal?  Should I read the books?  Is it something so culturally significant that I am handicapping myself socially by not getting sucked in? 

See?  It's all random and strange.  But there you go.

What's on your mind?

here

Still savoring the golden light of fall.

Branches from our crabapple? cherry? berry? tree in a pitcher on the kitchen table.  Love.  Although the leaves are very droppy.

Managing (with little success) fall allergies that cause my eyelids to turn to sandpaper.  Ouch.

Catching up on work, which is tricky when the monitor hurts my eyes.

Looking superbly cool in my glasses with a pair of large round sunglasses OVER them while driving.  Because it is very awesome to enter a restaurant to meet your friend for lunch, remove your oversized cheapo target sunglasses, only to reveal your real specs underneath.  It's like I'm still dressed up for Halloween, only as a total dorkwad.

{ finding comfort }

What a strange feeling day.

My dear friend Katie lost her grandfather last night. ( hugs, hugs, hugs, honey. ) I went over as soon as her husband called and met the third member of our little trio at her door.  We stayed up late, sitting on her deck, under a near full moon. It had risen huge and heavy, kind of orangey and fake-looking, like out of a movie.  It hung there in the sky for a bit before moving higher, growing brighter and brighter until we felt like we were sitting under a spotlight. 

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, churchbells began to sound.  We have spent many, many late nights sitting on her deck, talking about life, kids, marriage, whatever, and we have never once heard churchbells.  Ever.  It was strange, but comforting.  We decided it was a sign everything was ok. 

Doesn't make it any easier though.

I stopped by a thrift store on my way home from errands this morning.  I was looking for an old something with big buttons I can re-use on Fidget's new dress.  Instead I found this sweet vintage sweater that reminded me of the grandmother I lost long ago before Fidget was born.  She often wore a blue cardigan.  Not like this one, but it was blue; I do remember that.  This one is too big and I don't know if I will be able to wear it. Perhaps I was just feeling sentimental, but I couldn't pass it by.

|| Pause ||

We're leaving for Florida tomorrow.  One week of carefree days and sandcastles and key lime pie. 

But you know what it is like before you go.  The errands and post-its and the cleaning... running myself into a frenzy, turning on my superhuman powers for those last 48 hours.   What?  I don't have superhuman powers?  Now they tell me.

I didn't realize until this week how desperately I need this vacation.  It will be good to put a physical distance between myself and all of the silly things I feel I 'need' to do, and make a list where "play in the sand" and "collect seashells" are of the highest priority.  I keep reading posts elsewhere about summer that make me wistful for the kind of summer I just didn't have.  I just never felt it.  There were personal reasons for some of this detachment, but mostly I just felt like I was scrambling, trying to catch up, catch my breath.  Make it though.  Fit it all in. 

I welcome the school year, the return of schedules, and the sweet slide into fall.  This last hurrah, a trip to Captiva Island with friends, is the perfect prelude to the slow-down I desperately need. To pause and breathe and exhale and take a moment.  It feels good already.

Have a wonderful weekend (+week), friends!  xoxo

Accomplishing { the list post }

Behold, quite possibly the cutest composition notebook ever:

I am a daily list-maker.  This is no small secret to those who know me.  Everything goes on the list.   (I also like to write in colored ultra-fine-point-sharpies, because the color is rich and bold and fun and I can tell my daily Lists from other lists, like groceries or driving directions.  I am a color girl, so why fight it?) Today's List is:

• drama camp
• preschool
• amex art (for work)
• edit URG (for work)
• curtain panels
• bathroom
• chicken for dinner
• run
• shower
• laundry

There is no particular order, but it is pretty much a list of the things I can expect myself to accomplish today.  

The thing is, "Curtain Panels" and "Paint Bathroom" have been showing up on my list every day for a while.  And they have been giving me a complex.  Like I wasn't accomplishing anything, even though I was making baby steps.  But I couldn't mark the darned items OFF. 

It's easy to get overwhelmed and feel like you are spinning your wheels. 

So I finally did what I should have done a long time ago.  Instead of the meta-item "Curtain Panels," I made another List.  A micro level one:

And now, I can mark off almost each and every step.  I've got one more set of blinds to take down(a large bamboo shade that had to be custom ordered), and have already made the two other panel extensions... As I finish each panel I can "X" it out.  How satisfying is that?   Take THAT, panel number three!  Much better.

And this is for Lera, who says she doesn't tire of my thrifting finds:

I picked this up on Monday for about $1.  It is plastic so it's perfect for lemonade on the deck.  I still can't get over that people give this stuff away. 

Happy Thursday everyone!  What kind of 'accomplishment' tips do you have?

* the one about the salad and the grout *

There are a lot of funny things that happen when you are remodeling your home. 

Like when you are walking into your newly tiled bathroom
with supplies, like dark tinted primer for the vanity
that the guy at Lowe's who-thinks-you-paint-anything-that-isn't-nailed-down mixed for you yesterday.
Just bringing it in there, 
in case you have 30 minutes to spare and want to 'dig in.'
And instead you drop the unopened can of darkly tinted primer
and it explodes at your feet
running into all the tan grout
and splashing up onto the side of the tub
and on your shoes
and legs
and towels
and the vanity (which is actually ok because that is the only place it's supposed to be).

And taking some of the towels it landed on, dripping with paint,
and thowing them into the vanity sinks.
And finding even more towels to wipe up the paint
(I'm talking almost a whole quart of thick charcoal gray kilz)
and smearing it all over the place.

And then, after a lot of words that are not very nice,
Thank you, Lord.  For making me the painter I am and knowing that I need to clean up sometimes.  I know that I have a huge can of mineral spirits in the garage.  Please please please please help me get this paint out of my grout.  Before hubs comes home.  Thankyousoverymuch.  I think I need to slow down.  Amen.

And I poured the mineral spirits all over the mess, took my toothbrush and scrubbed. And scrubbed.  Most of it came out.  I worked up a sweat, I tell you.  This mistake was not going to get the best of me.

Because I haven't even done after photos yet, for heaven's sake. 

I also find this particularly funny because I just had the best salad (thank you amy, that tuscan salad is superb!) that made me feel so wholesome and good.  I even rinsed my lettuce with vinegar, so as not to consume anything chemical or yucky. 

And then I spent a half hour with my head in the fumes of mineral spirits.  It's all about balance, right?

Also, I need to find a new toothbrush.

: : : the end : : :

* I've had a couple emails about my sense of humor with this little mishap.  The thing is, it was a mess, but it wasn't the end of the world.  In the Big Picture, I'm just a comfortable suburban housewife with very few things to worry about on a daily basis.  This really is the Small Stuff. And am I ever so thankful for that.  xoxo.  happy weekend. *